The Portfolio Management Company wanted a platform with lot of features that could facilitate the investors to gain maximum out of the investment. Because the company’s motive was to provide diversification, liquidity and professional management services to investors in the best possible way, the finance portal was considered a perfect solution that could deliver profitability and efficiency to advisors. The project was about developing a finance portal including:
Integrated CRM Proposal generation system Rich proposal PDF Online reporting system Monthly performance reports system Monthly Billing
The Portfolio Management Company provides a complete turnkey platform to manage the investment of the investors. With the assistance of the company you can get your portfolios designed in a way that can maximize the risk adjusted rate of return.
Challenges:
To create a financial portal having lots of features was a great challenge that asked for a great deal of research and study work to be done. There was a need to put together lots of major components like CRM, Proposal generation system, Accounts, Billing, Marketing resources and Forms in the system. While the journey of the portal development, the major challenges we had to meet were:
Montecarlo analysis Centerpiece files data import for account’s reporting Morning star data feeds for ticker analysis and categories
There was also a necessity to develop an Application Auto fill Module (One-Ap Auto fill module) which allows advisors to complete a client’s account opening paperwork online and then print it out for the client to sign or e-mail it for e-sign. The purpose behind developing the auto filling module was to save the time and make job faster.
Solutions:
With the constant research work and dedication, we have served the portal having all the necessary features. It is developed as a robust and cutting edge platform having multiple benefits and user friendly features. The portal has emerged as a comprehensive and easy to navigate platform that wrap up everything from proposal generation, contact management to marketing programs. The system is built up where the advisors can create state of the art proposals considering clients’ individual needs, goals, and risk preferences. For superior deliverance, we created 2 types of Proposal Generation System; one for company portfolios and another for multimanager asset allocations. The portal also has the facility of automatic monthly hierarchical fees sharing and client billing. It is developed in a way where six types of users can log in and get the related information and/or manage portfolios.
Via this portal, the compliance officers can access client notes, investment proposals, contracts, and account information. We have created the Proposal Generation System that includes risk tolerance questionnaire, fully customizable asset allocations and proprietary research. In short, this portal can suit both, the advisors as well as the investors.
Technologies:
Web technology: .Net framework 3.5 (MVP Architecture Pattern) Language used: C#, .Net Database: MS SQL 2008 3rd party tool: Dundas Charts Integration, ABCpdf
Results:
Due to our rigorous efforts, we have succeeded in developing a sophisticated and user-friendly finance portal for the client through which the institutions can enjoy benefits of efficient service offered by it at reduced cost. With its online reporting system the clients can have detailed household, account, and portfolio level data in an intuitive interface. It is very easy and feasible for advisors to enter new leads and prospects, attach files to contacts, set calls and meetings, and enter notes because of integrated CRM.
Following are major benefits of the portal:
Integrated CRM software Integrated proposal generation system Filing cabinet for archiving documents Easy to create eye catching proposals Auto filled account opening paperwork Online Accounts Reporting Automated monthly billing process Clients acquisition system Document management system
We have developed a world-class money management portal that provides investors, security and returns they desire. Now, with this financial portal, it has become easy for the company to please investors by providing better risk adjusted returns.
DAY’S MIRACLE
By Wendell W. Solomons
From 3,000 word alert of July 28th, 1992 to ‘Moscow News’ and World Bank Chief Economist
These jointly owned public assets hold, for example, the lifetime savings of engineers, doctors, teachers, technicians and other workers. In the particular case of divesting these assets into private ownership, careful costing is also required so as to minimise the loss of the savings of working men and women. Causing group insolvency and ethnic breakdown has to be avoided.
Alienation of jointly owned public assets to legal persons also requires the development of civil and company law, which includes development of courts and the training of lawyers.
If a Hey-Presto approach failed, someone else would have to subsidise the earnings and pensions of above 300 million people, young and old, while courses in auditing, accountancy and finance, marketing, management, business economics, banking, insurance, and commercial law are taught…
—————————————————————————
This account begins near the Church of Nicholas the Miracle-Worker in Leo Tolstoi Street. Near it, at a parking lot where foreigners park their cars, men were trying to achieve their miracle.
Somewhat rare even for Moscow, the temperature had dropped overnight to 38 degrees below freezing. Dramatically, brightly coloured American, British, French and German-owned Citroens, Fords, Peugeots, Volkswagens, and Volvos, refused to start. Winter had turned the foreign cars into disheartening heaps of metal.
Few of the foreigners that first morning noticed one man at work. He had placed a tray of glowing coals, a saving from a summer picnic, under the engine of his maroon Volvo … He knew he could warm the engine oil slightly to help the pistons slide in the cylinders. A Britisher, the expertise for his miracle had come from working as a serviceman in Norway.
Many people search for a miracle to avoid further shortages, price rises, and turmoil in Eastern Europe and the Commonwealth of Independent States. Thinking about figures he had seen in July 1992 U.S. President George Bush had expressed it in his way, “I don’t know if there is enough money in the world to solve Russia’s economy.”
Every miracle worker has his expertise. Matthew XV-14 cautions-
“And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”
To make a larger social miracle possible, what expertise could be used? May we have a look at Asia? The spirituality of modern Europe originated in Asia’s Nazareth …
STAR TO THE EAST
ASIAWEEK magazine’s editors saw and took up our large socio-economic problem on July 24th, 1992. They had an observation to make on available expertise in the East
“China’s leaders know what can happen if prices rise too fast. They wrote the book on creating special economic zones as laboratories for free-market reforms, which can then be applied to the rest of the country.”
And to the East of China is Japan – whose star experiences even American companies study. There, a century ago Japan had began the intensive search for expertise. In the inceptional promise of office in 1868, the Japanese ruler who began uniting several Japanese territories declared -
“Knowledge shall be sought for throughout the world, so that the welfare of the Empire may be promoted.”
With a need to take over from several provincial Shoguns and unite Japan, the 16-year old Emperor Meiji led the rapid study and emulation of the practices of Europe.
Between the epochs of Pythagoras and Newton, although many people had been blocked in the hinterland, Europe served as a testing ground for an Asian ethos. It happened to be one that challenged detachment and was cosmopolitan. As this ethos established itself, Western Europe no longer saw Saturn’s day and Thor’s day in the week nor glorified the wisdom of the Stoic recluse who detached himself from the world. The enlightenment of the solitary recluse was replaced by the ‘folly’ foretold in 1st Corinthians I/17-29, exemplified for instance by a prayer called OUR FATHER which contains neither solitary “I” nor “Me.”
In East Asia, Japan had arisen to the popular transition to the European Age of Enlightenment. And in 1890, universal primary school education was adopted as Japan’s goal. Thanks to the study of Europe’s success in education, Japan had begun to think of life in terms of the advances of community centred and community involved Europe. Notably, the Emperor tried to prepare the Japanese for using not only the perimeter of the storm and typhoon-ridden volcanic islands, but also the whole world as a treasury of cosmopolitan expertise from which to select and better slough off national handicaps.
What was the result of this experiment?
How easy it is for us to jump a century forward . . . We hear a news report that says Japan’s trade surplus with the rest of the world increased by 50% during the first six months of 1992 as compared with the previous year. More than one-third of the same trade surplus was gained at the expense of another country that directly inherited the European Age of Enlightenment – the United States.
Yet, we know that the surface area of the Japanese archipelago of four hilly main islands and several thousand others, adds up to less the area of the single U.S. state of California.
While the small David grew, what had the larger nation been doing?
STAR TO THE WEST
U.S. Soldier-President Dwight D. Eisenhower knew of the need for advance. He had this to say, “Our real problem, then, is not our strength today; it is rather the vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow.”
Previously, as a Commander of Allied Forces during the war Eisenhower had answered to President Franklin D. Roosevelt who knew the challenge of leadership in the broad spectrum of national and international. He had said, “We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone, but for all mankind.”
It says still more of his vision when we learn that Roosevelt resounded to the aspiration, so different from what the Mercantilists believed -
“The money-changers have fled from their high seats in the temple of our civilisation. We may now restore that temple to the ancient truths.”
And even on the other side of the U.S. political divide, Roosevelt’s Republican counterpart exhibited a kindred stand on leadership when he agreed to visit Moscow during the war as Presidential emissary. He, Wendell L. Willkie, in addition brings out the link of strength to productivity in this paradoxical way
“It is from weakness that people reach for dictators and concentrated government power. Only the strong can be free. And only the productive can be strong.”
Although “money-changers” contrasted with “the productive” for the generation of these two leaders, different events were to follow. America – privileged child of the Age of Enlightenment – had become Japan’s occupying power and had broken down Japan’s leading business holdings. At the same time, counterpart U.S. holdings remained full and rich.
What more than a chance to enjoy this good fortune?
Influential American households had inherited the sort of money fortunes that many an old European princedom would have envied. The heads of these American households were now able to invest in the acclaim of muses and sages and evade a new problem – the headache of leadership.
Among the sages who relieved them of that headache was Milton Friedman. His Monetarism, if we consult an encyclopaedia entry for brevity, concentrated on boosting economic growth through the regulation of the money supply in a country’s economy. Innovation, productivity, and economic
strength were to follow automatically – they were not to bother America’s new leadership.
What entered official thinking was in a sense a throwback to the 17th and 18th-Century Mercantilists of France and England. These publicists offered support to mercenaries, merchant houses and colonial despots by seeing economic growth solely at the interface of the exchange of merchants’ goods, and most particularly in the negotiation of the money of the day, gold coin and bullion. English playwright Thomas Dekker (1572-1632) had explained in hyperbole -
“A mask of gold hides all deformities.”
Both Mercantilists and Monetarists gave comfort and reassurance to the wielders of money wealth by saying that the attributes they used were the fundamental levers of life. When this fetish was projected far and wide by TV in modern times, it grasped the United States with a fever remarkably like that of King Midas who coveted the golden touch until it began to turn his food and his loved ones into frigid gold.
Spellbound by the projection of glitter such as that of Monetarism, U.S. productivity began to drop after the war. The families that had developed into inheritors of U.S. wealth had reached those circumstances in life when they detached themselves from America’s innovators. To illustrate the gap between the planners of U.S. business strategy and innovators let us take just one example.
SONY bought rights to the use of the transistor from a U.S. concern for just $25,000. Innovation after innovation was used by the Japanese consumer electronics industry, which took over from American firms in America’s own market in radios, tape recorders, TV sets, high quality stereo, and video.
In two rather famous articles published in 1983 in THE ATLANTIC REVIEW, Harvard University’s Robert B. Reich noticed the trend and said
“More than 65 percent of all seats on the boards of Japanese manufacturing companies are occupied by people who are trained as engineers; roughly the same percentage of seats on American boards are taken by people trained in law, finance or accountancy. Thus, in Japan, many problems that arise in business are viewed as problems of engineering or science, for which technical solutions can be found…’
“Paper entrepreneuralism is both cause and consequence of America’s faltering economy. Paper profits are the only ones available to professional managers who sit isolated atop organisations designed for a form of production that is no longer appropriate to America’s place in the world economy…’
“Paper entrepreneuralism thus has a self-perpetuating quality that, if left unchecked, will drive the nation to further decline.”
Just before Robert Reich sounded this alarm, Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman had put out a book, “In Search of Excellence”, which focused on better organisation. Their book was widely read in U.S. industry and acclaimed. Some companies strode out to focus on more rational organisation, MOTOROLA and IBM being cases in point. Yet, the general pattern remained unchanged. American wealth had fallen into a leadership position, but its leadership was abdicating it.
Finally, due to the Mercantilism, which took over everyday U.S. trade policy, to reduce friction SONY, HONDA, SANYO, YKK and other Japanese corporations began the transport of factories to the United States and learned to manage a U.S. workforce.
Thus, evasion had begun again. Famed writer H. G. Wells had once noted, “Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American Eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.”
EXPERTISE FOR MIRACLES
If we try to measure Gross National Product (GNP) in current US dollars, we find Japan increased its per capita GNP from some $50 for year 1945 to the figure of $27,000 for year 1992. Japan has overtaken the United States ($ 22,000), Canada ($21,000), Germany ($21,000), France ($ 21,000). If you try to work it out, you find that on the average Japan increased its GNP at current prices during the last 47 years at 14.3% every year (try this figure as a constant on your calculator if you don’t have a computer handy). Who else has such development expertise?
Philip Kotler, a noted U.S. marketeer, provided a useful analysis. Not for him paper or peddlers’ capitalism. He analyses marketing-oriented, modern industrial production. His own words follow next.
TARGET INDUSTRIES
Japan’s need to rebuild the nation, to control its balance of payments, to create exports, and to manage its economy back to health, led Japan to consider selecting certain industries for targeted growth … a target industry is simply an industry that Japan identifies as being worthy of whatever support is deemed necessary to make it a strong industry domestically and to help it become and remain competitive in the international arena.
THE PROPELLER-THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT
During 1949-55, Japan put together the institutional instruments that were to catapult it into the economic big league. Unquestionably, the pivotal entity in this institutional structure was MITI (Ministry of International Trade and Industry) which came into being in 1949. Even its title is significant. The inclusion of international trade is indicative of Japanese intent to guide resources toward the exploitation of international markets.
MITI worked very closely with many other governmental agencies, particularly the Ministry of Finance and the Japan Development Bank.
At the core of MITI’s roles lie separate though related elements
1. Establishing objectives and priorities for the Japanese economy
2. Developing the economic (physical) and institutional (commercial) infrastructure
3. Selecting target industries
4. Funnelling the necessary capital to target industries and specific firms
5. Nurturing target industries toward maturity
6. Developing the means to regulate all forms of competition within the Japanese economy
7. Controlling the flow of foreign investment into Japan
8. Managing the institutional environment.
Primarily through the auspices of MITI, Japan has designated a series of industries for development and nurturing. These industries were aided through financial, tax, and technology supports and were sheltered from foreign competition in the domestic market … (Philip Kotler’s writes with co-authors in full in WORLD EXECUTIVE’S DIGEST, September, 1985.)
MARKETING-DRIVEN INDUSTRY AND FOREIGN SUBSIDIES
As compared with Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan, if marketing-driven industry is developed, Eastern Europe and the Commonwealth of Independent States have certain advantages – and certain disadvantages. Let us take the advantages first -
(a) These states already posses a developed science-teaching potential more than that which Japan, South Korea or Taiwan had. Some states also have more scientists, engineers, technicians and skilled workers;
(b) Some states have far more foreign language and country specialists than Japanese or other foreign trade concerns started with; most countries also have common geographic and cultural borders with many others for fast, cross-border trade.
(c) Most countries have more mineral resources.
Last but hardly least -
(d) In many of these countries, Marx, with several generations of Rabbis in his ancestry, helped create a strong congregational “We.” In modern times Japan fostered in the factory a community spirit to combat the alienation that plagues American industrial sociology. Thus Japan was able to turn every work day at the factory into a teach-in for increasing productivity and joint success. People who happened to play a major role in the development of Japanese participative management include Kaoru Ishikawa and several activists who link together in the Tokyo-ba
sed Japan Union of Scientists and Engineers. They acknowledge a debt to U.S. statistician W. Edwards Deming of New York University, who contributed in 1950 to Japan’s participative quality management system. In this connection and finally, the work of a host of North Americans such as William Ouchi (UCLA) and Olga Crocker (Windsor) who have studied Japan’s participative management at a technical level are available in current literature and would be valuable in the selection of expertise apt to the historical challenge.
The list of disadvantages of these nations is long. So as not to grow weary and put off the task, let us take a look at the solution of two items in their agenda.
(1) These nations have to develop marketing. For many shopfloor engineers, this requires going back to the class-room. The existing system in which these engineers worked was based on macro-planning of production and distribution. Yet, far more would be required than market training for in-plant personnel. For example, business development on a country-wide scale the founding of companies, partnerships and proprietorship for merchandising, retailing, wholesaling, warehousing, handling, and trucking both for home and export needs. Consider that such business development cannot occur without the costly injection of fixed and working capital after the development of credit banks due to missing venture capital, an operation well known at the World Bank.
(2) These nations have to make private property stand out. If a large volume of assets was divested in another country with a market economy, careful timing would be used by professional asset managers so as not to depress market values suddenly.
Although the term state capitalism does occur in academic discussion, assets in these countries do not belong to a giant business magnate. These jointly owned public assets hold, for example, the life-time savings of engineers, doctors, teachers, technicians and other workers. In the particular case of divesting these assets into private ownership, careful costing is also required so as to minimise the loss of the savings of working men and women. Causing group insolvency and ethnic breakdown has to be avoided. Alienation of jointly owned public assets (obshestvennaya sobstvennost’) to legal persons also requires the development of civil and company law, which includes development of courts and the training of lawyers. If a Hey-Presto approach failed, someone else would have to subsidise the earnings and pensions of above 300 million people, young and old, men and women, while courses in auditing, accountancy and finance, marketing, management, business economics, banking, insurance, and commercial law are taught; and while macro-planned factories, farms, land, apartments, hospitals, universities and schools are valued by auditors at market prices or by a method of re-allocation of the savings in these assets themselves, and divested to buyers.
Even if large capitalised foreign buyers of factories and farms materialise, would national output at least continue at the previous level so as not to leave others a bill for subsidies from outside? There have been guesses about the size of that annual subsidy bill and as we know of July 1992, U. S. President George Bush put in this way, “I don’t know if there is enough money in the world to solve Russia’s economy.”
In the event of failure, a big-bang operation in continental Euro-Asia would topple a subsidy bill on cities such as Rome, Vienna, Bonn, Paris, London, Dublin, Glasgow, Madrid, Lisbon, Brussels, The Hague, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo. Now hardly noticed, land barriers have gradually faded. That has made several of these cities no more than one week’s journey by road from the Church of Nicholas the Miracle-Worker, patron saint of Moscow. It is Saint Nick, called Santa Claus in the West by children, who enters through the chimney making many a Christmas wish miraculously come true. Now, if you happen to be a Mummy or Daddy wishing for a miracle near this church, should you choose the star of the East or the star of the West for your route?
History of document
Edited in Colombo by Revd. Graeme W. M. Muckart of the Church of Scotland in July 1992.
Text sent by Wendell W. Solomons to Lawrence Summers, IBRD Chief Economist, from Colombo through Metalix private agency post office fax 580721 to Washington IBRD fax 202-4776391 on July 28th, 1992.
Telexes on the subject begun to TW 886-2-7761549 and faxes from May 1st.
Communications received from IBRD by Wendell W. Solomons
(a) Courier packet of documents, DHL, Forwarder Airbill No: 756176536 SPS 744556072, of Aug 7th, 1992, despatched by Etienne Pierart, Dept: 824, Div: 11, Room: 0-4137, The World Bank.
(b) Letter of same date under signature of Etienne Pierart.
(c) Letter of November 30th, 1992 reference No: D28811 (3); 10/19/92, from World Bank under signature of Julita R.S. Main.
“He who makes his companions laugh deserves Paradise.”
The store customer really loved the pair of shoes that the salesman showed to him but, on trying them on he found that they were much too tight. “No problem,” said the salesman. “Just wait here for a few minutes.” The salesman then gave the shoes to one of his assistants who proceeded to run up and down the stairs for the next twenty minutes. When the assistant returned, the salesman gave them to the customer to try on and he agreed that they now fitted perfectly. IF THE SHOE WEARS, FIT IT.
During the French revolution, the peasants captured a rich Count. They tortured him, trying to get him to reveal where his treasure was stashed but he would not tell them. They decided to scare him just enough to get him to talk so they led him out to the guillotine and placed his head on the slab. They told him that they would kill him if he didn’t answer but one of the guards accidentally pulled the rope and the Count was killed proving that you should NEVER HACHET YOUR COUNTS UNTIL THEY’RE CHICKEN
In Canada a dentist used to go fishing in a stream frequented by dangerous grisly bears. When asked how it was that he was never attacked he replied that he injected some fish with sedatives and threw them to the animals, adding THERE’S SAFETY IN NUMB BEARS
There was a small country where the king was overthrown. After the revolution, the people were searching for him because he had gone into hiding. One of his close friends allowed him to hide in the greenhouse of his country home. The king had insisted on taking his gold throne with him and enjoyed sitting in it in the greenhouse, thinking of better times. One day a passing peasant noticed him and reported him to the authorities. The king was arrested and executed which goes to show that PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN’T STOW THRONES.
In Saudi Arabia a company was prospecting for oil and instructed the manager to check ten wells. The manager started with the first well and came up with nothing. The same with the next and the next etc for several months until at the last well he finally struck oil. He thought that the boss would be happy with him but instead he was fired. The boss told him that he had wasted too much time because he should have known that THE OIL WELL ‘S THAT END WELL.
President Bush visited a naval station to inspect a new warship and expected to receive a hero’s welcome. Instead he was booed and given rude signals by the whole crew. He was so incensed that he ordered two crew members to be immediately sent to solitary. The rest of the crew was not discouraged. They insisted that it was WORTH TWO HANDS TO GIVE BUSH THE BIRD.
A rich man had a lot of sympathy for the Spanish Basques. On a visit to one of their enclaves, he offered to build them a large auditorium where they could hold meetings etc. As soon as the building was completed they held an opening ceremony there and the place was packed. During the ceremony, somehow a fire started and in the ensuing panic many people were killed trying to get out through the front door which was the only way in or out. One should remember to NEVER PUT ALL YOUR BASQUES IN ONE EXIT.
The prince was given a magic goblet by a friendly wizard. “Remember.” he was told. “This goblet will dispense magic potions and will be your assistant in running the country but it will not work until you are proclaimed king because IT NEVER POURS UNTIL IT REIGNS.”
The millionaire’s wife was late for her hair appointment so hired a helicopter to rush her into town. As she remarked, “THE WHIRLY BIRD GETS THE PERM.”
The local headmaster had political ambitions and borrowed heavily to make a run for office. Unfortunately nobody voted for him and he ended up losing his home and all his possessions. HE SHOULD HAVE QUIT WHILE HE WAS A HEAD.
It appears that having sex uses about the same amount of energy as a long brisk walk so remember… A MISS IS AS GOOD AS A MILE.
Peter Wise and his wife Penny were walking through a bad area of town when a man mistook her for a rival gang member and started to beat up on her. Her husband drew out a gun and told the man that he had made a mistake and said that it was FOOLISH TO POUND PENNY WISE.
Mick Jagger was strolling across the brow of a hill when he spied Kate Moss below. Trying to impress her, he lay down and rolled down the hill arriving at her feet. Kate
was not impressed and just strode away from him. You see A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS.
One of the studio underlings was insanely jealous of the star singer.
He decided to substitute his throat medicine with water so that he would be unable to perform. However the star’s voice was not unduly affected so the show went on normally. You see YOU CAN HAVE THE LEAD DRINK WATER BUT YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM HOARSE.
The airport traffic was severely disrupted when the blonde, female controller failed to turn up at the tower but instead was seen walking around below holding up an “ON STRIKE” placard. The manager went down to talk to her. “What is it with you Mary?’ he complained. “Our union went to arbitration and got a good salary for you and we have a nice bunch of people here working with you. What exactly is your problem?”
“Well, explained the girl,” I was doing my laundry early this morning and at the same time reading the pamphlet that you gave to us about work attitudes. I read about keeping your best foot forward and your shoulder to the wheel and then I came to STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT
Albert Ree was a nice fellow who was a photographer for a major magazine. On an assignment to the jungle of Colombia he disappeared. Several search parties were organized but to no avail. Several years later, another photographer who knew Albert slightly was working in the same area. Straying from the beaten path in search of anything interesting, he wandered into a clearing where he spied a man feeding the chickens. Although this man had a long beard it was obvious that this was in fact Albert. The photographer rushed up to him joyfully proclaiming “AH, SWEET MISTER REE OF LIFE, AT LAST I’VE FOUND YOU.”
A burglar broke into a house looking for money. He noticed a cupboard with many gold chains in it. He opened the unlocked cupboard and grabbed the gold but was unaware that it was connected to a high voltage source which immediately zapped him. When he woke up the house owner was standing over him and said “SORRY, IT’S BETTER THAN TO BE A SAFE.”
Penny Jones treated her weak husband so badly that he finally summoned up the courage to walk out on her. After he got a divorce, he left town and started a new life, finally meeting a really nice girl who he proposed to. In the middle of the wedding ceremony, his ex-wife turned up shouting and screaming, completely shattering the calm of the wedding. You see A BAD PENNY ALWAYS TURNS UP.
The golf club was having a big problem with vandals who were bent on destroying the turf. The manager decided to circle the entire course with a strong chain link fence. However the vandals managed to cut through some weak parts and continue their destruction. A LINK IS NO STRONGER THAN ITS WEAKEST CHAIN.
A group of kids wanted to hold a rave but didn’t have any money. They approached one of the local rich kids and convinced him that if he financed the gathering they would provide him with a bunch of beautiful girls who would do his bidding. The rave took place but the kid never got the girls. You see A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTIED.
A man wanted to have some fresh fish but the local stores were closed and he didn’t
like to eat in restaurants. He called a lady friend who offered to cook a nice meal for him. You see A PLAICE IS IN THE WOMAN’S HOME.
The three film stars and their entourage were traveling in Italy when the engine of their car blew up. Their only way of proceeding for the last few miles was on horseback. You could say that ALL LEADS RODE TO ROME.
Nine sailors were in big trouble when their sail ripped apart on the high seas. They searched everywhere in the hold but could not find anything useful to make the repair. Finally they came across some old magazines and sewed those together to make a temporary repair and then limped back to port. You see sometimes A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE
Two men were on a small boat on the high seas when it capsized and sank. They both managed to swim ashore but to two different islands. One man was hated by his family and when they heard he was missing, celebrated and didn’t lift a finger to help him. The other man was adored by HIS family and they raised enough money to search for him until he was found. You see IT’S BETTER TO BE LOST AND LOVED THAN NOT TO HAVE BEEN LOVED AT ALL
The ace football player was invited to a team party but decided that he didn’t want to go. The team captain was furious with him and immediately went to his house to inform him that ALL GOOD ENDS MUST COME TO A THING
The nurse was surprised when she opened a large cupboard in the doctor’s office and found that it was stuffed full of fruit. It appeared that THE DOCTOR KEEPS AN APPLE A DAY AWAY
The prisoner convicted of sexual offences spent his entire sentence stitching mailbags because AS YOU RAPE, SO SHALL YOU SEW
Returning from a trip, the owner found the house was so dirty that she immediately fired the maid. GRIME DOES NOT PAY
The young man had been going out with his girlfriend for a few months when, one day he developed a really big sore on his thigh which confined him to his bed. His girlfriend took such good care of him, washing and feeding him that he realized that he really loved her and asked her to marry him. You see, ABSCESS MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
The Eskimo was really fed up with the constant cold so went to visit the local fortune teller. “Drink this magic potion” he was told, “and the sun will heat up, the ice will disappear and it will be extremely hot. The man went home and drank the liquid but nothing happened. ONE SWALLOW DOES NOT A SUMMER MAKE
A man was sitting at home waiting for his blind date to arrive. Just as she rang his doorbell, the power went out. He staggered over to the door, fumbled with the lock and let her in. “What’s your name?” he enquired. My name is Dawn,” the girl replied. “I might have guessed,” muttered the man. “IT’S ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE DAWN.”
After he broke up with his girlfriend, she ran her truck into his car, shot his dog and then set fire to his house. Attempting to locate his ex, the man went with the police to the girl’s mother and explained to her what had happened. She wouldn’t believe that her daughter had done such a thing, telling him “Hell, a woman scorned hath no fury like that.”
The charity organization decided to donate a dental surgeon’s services to a poor country. All the media gathered there to watch the man perform on his first patient. Unfortunately the dentist developed a terrible cold and sore throat preventing him from operating. A HOARSE GIFT NEVER LOOKS IN THE MOUTH.
The president of a large corporation was involved in a big scandal when it was discovered that he had a young, male lover living in her apartment. The story was all over the newspapers including the corporate name. A COMPANY IS KNOWN BY THE MAN HE KEEPS.
The homeless man was discovered living on the beach in a large structure, complete with moat and towers that he had made out of sand. You could say that A MAN’S CASTLE IS HIS HOME
A visitor from Czechoslovakia was at the Bronx zoo when he slipped and fell into the lion pit. He was immediately devoured by one of the lions. Witnesses were not sure whether it was the lion or the lioness that ate the man, so the investigators decided to use an x-ray. Their final decision was that it was in fact the lion that was responsible. You could say that THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE.
The king was holding court surrounded by his jesters. One of his enemies attempted to assassinate him, firing an arrow from the tower but hit one of the jesters by mistake. As the king said, your must KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU
A man traveling in the back of a jeep on an African safari, bounced out of his seat into the road and was devoured by a bunch of lions. Sometimes a FALL COMES BEFORE A PRIDE
The occupants of Fort Blanche were going crazy, Every night they heard a voice repeating…one, two three, four…First of all they thought that someone was hiding in the moat so they drained it but the voice kept on …seven eight, nine, ten… Then they thought that maybe the guards were responsible so they executed them…twenty one, twenty two, twenty three…Finally they went to the high priest who explained that this had been going on for centuries and that they should understand that IT’S THE FORT THAT COUNTS
“Thank you,” said the prostitute as her client left and handed her the money. “IT WAS A BUSINESS DOING PLEASURE WITH YOU.”
After a series of robberies, the police arrested the occupants of a duplex who were working together. They believed that GOOD NEIGHBOURS MAKE GOOD FENCES
A man was driving down a country road, when his car hit a large rabbit. He got out of the car and saw the animal writhing on the ground. He couldn’t decide whether to try to help it or to kill it and put it out of its misery. Just then another driver stopped his car and came over. He took one look and went back to his car and returned with a bottle and fed the contents into the rabbit’s mouth. Immediately the animal jumped up and ran off into the woods.
“That’s fantastic,” exclaimed the first man. “You must be a veterinarian. What did you give the rabbit?”
“Actually,” came the reply, “I’m a hairdresser,” as he showed him the bottle of HAIR RESTORER.
A man visited a fortune teller and held out his palms to be read. “I have some good news for you,” smiled the gypsy. “You are going to come into a lot of money today!” The man stood up and slapped the woman across the face. “What the hell are you doing?” she demanded. “Well,” replied the man calmly, “I was always told to STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM.”